…

How am I supposed to show someone that I love (too strong a word) him? When I’m not even sure if that’s what I really feel?  Or am I just afraid to admit to myself my true feelings for fear that he might not feel the same (although he says he does)? I’m always caught in a situation where I don’t want to lose someone yet I don’t know what to do to make that person stay or whether or not that person really ought to stay.  Or if I do something to make him stay in my life, is he worth it? Is what I would say or do be the right thing? Would I be able to live up to that?

Hehe. Drama. Ang corny ko na naman. Di na ko nasanay sa sarili ko… lagi naman akong ganito. But now, I’m into taking risks na. Kesa I would let some things pass me by without even trying.  I don’t want to have more what-might-have-beens or ones-who got-away.

Pasukan na naman eh… kailangan ko magconcentrate at magpakabait. I don’t have a day for gimiks na kse sobrang hectic ang sched… 3 days yata yng 930pm ang uwian ko… tapos 2-3 subjects a day. That means almost 200 pages of a book, and more or less 15 cases (5+pages each) a night. I’m actually nervous, stressed, uncomfortable, afraid, scared (at iba pang synonyms)…

2 weeks

Spent a week waiting for my grades   Finished reading “WHat Looks Like Crazy (On an Ordinary Day)” …looks like love in the moonlight. *wink* Spent a lot for bus fares and fastfood dinners  Laughed a lot with friends and housemates  Got new “tropas” Had a few drinks Did something I wouldn’t have the guts to do if I stayed sober  Sang a lot of videoke songs kahit paos  Saw a lot of familiar faces in school Got the good news that I still qualify for 3rd yr Got higher than my usual grades in school Attended my first class, not knowing anything about the subject — Couldn’t care less if Saw an oversized baby rat lying dead in our apartment — I was tasked to put it away (shempre d ko kinaya yun) Bought books for this sem and started reading them right away Got new classmates — some I’m glad to be in the same room with, some I’d rather stay away from Got new prospects (joke lang) — single proprietor? ;) Still sick… OA na yung ubo ko  Got my first headache for not being able to comprehend what I’ve been reading for the last three days (more…)

Of poverty, family and being bunso

Narinig ko si papa.  Sabi niya, kailangan daw nila pumunta ni mama sa mall para tingnan kung magkano yung ilaw na gusto nilang ilagay sa aming sala. Ginagawa na kse ni papa ang kisame ng sala namin.  Oo. Sa 23 taon na nakatira kami dito, ngayon pa lang inaayos ang aming kisame sa sala.  Di naman pala 23 taon na wala kaming kisame sa sala. Bago lang kasi ang parteng ito ng bahay namin.  Hindi rin pala mashadong bago. Naaalala ko kasi, grade 3 pa yta ako nung ginawa nilang sala ang terrace namin para gawing kwarto ng nagbibinata kong kuya ang sala namin noon.  Si papa lang ang karpintero namin.  Sayang daw kasi ang ibabayad sa karpintero kung kaya naman niyang gawin iyon mag-isa nya.  Shempre, tumutulong ako kahit papaano.  Hinahawakan ko ang pinagpatong-patong na monoblock para wag itong umuga at huwag sya mahulog habang pinupukpok ang mga kahoy na magsisilbing pagdidikitan ng kisame.

Mula sa kusina, sumigaw ako na ako’y maliligo na. Nagtaka naman sila kung bakit ko kailangang isigaw iyon.  Gusto ko lang ipaalam sa kanila na sasama ako.  Kahit may sakit at alam kong mahihilo ako sa kalalakad sa mall, sasama pa rin ako. Minsan minsan ko lang nakakasama si papa sa mall.  At tuwing kasama ko siya, umuuwi akong may dalang bagong damit o kaya’y pabango, o kaya’y kahit anong magustuhan ko.  Kailangan lang ay may lakas ako ng loob na sabihing gusto ko ang bagay na iyon.  Minsan lang naman.  Para naman bukod sa mga damit na nabili ko sa tiangge at sa ukay-ukay, madagdagan na naman ng marangal na damit sa aking aparador.  Natutuwa naman kasi sila papa na nagpapakapormal na ako ngayon sa aking mga sinusuot.  Bihira naman kasi sa mga abogado ang naka-rubber shoes at t-shirt.  Hindi kse pwedeng isuot iyon sa opisina, lalo na sa loob ng korte.  Matagal ko nang gustong bumili ng bagong jacket na hindi ko alam kung anong tawag sa estilo. Basta yung kakaiba yung kwelyo. Yung malaki at malapad. Parang sa Amerikana.

Dapat, sa SM Sta. Rosa kami pupunta. Kaso, napakatagal umalis ng FX na sasakyan dapat namin papunta doon. Naghihintay pa kasi ng pasahero na mukhang wala naman talaga.  Bakit nga ba kasi wala pa rin kaming sariling sasakyan hanggang ngayon. Ay. Meron pala.  Meron pala kaming kotse na nadadala lamang pang-grocery sa labasan.  Sobrang luma na kasi, hindi na yata tinatanggap para maiparehistro. Matagal ko nang hinihiling kay papa na bumili na ng bago.  Siguro nga, sa pagkakataong ito, totoong wala kaming pera pambili.  Kadalasan kasi, sinasabi niyang wala kaming pera, pero meron naman pala.  Tulad na lamang ng pagsabi niya bago kami umalis kanina na wala siyang dalang pera.

Sa SM Southmall na lamang kami pumunta.  Derecho agad sa bilihan ng mga ilaw. Kasama nga pala namin ang kuya ko na siyang pumili kung ano ang nababagay sa aming bahay. Gusto yata kasi nila papa, chandelier ang bilhin.  Eh hindi naman iyon nababagay sa aming bahay.  Sabi ko nga, baka mauntog kami sa chandelier.

Nang makita ko ang SUN shop, sabi ko kay papa, baka pwede namang bayaran ko na ang aking bill. MAhigit isang linggo na kasing putol ang aking linya.  Pumayag naman siya agad at humugot ng pera mula sa bulsa.

Napatakbo ako nang makita ko ang Sari-sari Store.  Nakasuot sa manequin ang jacket na gusto ko.  Ipapakita ko lang naman sana sa kanya kasi sabi niya, wala siyang dalang pera.  Nang aking isukat, at nang makita niyang sakto sa akin… Kunin ko na daw.

Pagdating sa bahay.  Balik na naman ako sa kama. May sakit nga pala ako. 

Kahit na mahirap lang, masaya naman.  Lagi ako napagbibigyan.  Napakasarap talaga maging bunso.

Mean girls

They think they’re the kindest persons on earth.  They have lots of friends.  They smile at every familiar face they see in school.  They talk to friends as sincerely as they could.  They’ve got the good news and bad news from people around them.  But when they get back to their apartment… when you hear them talking inside the four walls of their apartment… you’ll know.

Of course Im exaggerating.

We just love gossips.  We love to talk about the latest rumors inside the campus.  We love to talk about other people who are making it in the “news” by doing silly stuffs that we can’t imagine ourselves doing coz we are self-righteous individuals. haha

OK. I’m the meanest of them all. I admit that.  Other people think I’m just a the girl who smiles at them whenever I see them.  They don’t know that I do that to lessen the guilt for making fun of them the night before, or for telling a not-so-nice remark about them. But I’m not that bad.  These “Bec Statements” are for the ears of the girls in the picture (above).  Sometimes, I don’t get to share my mean moments with Superfox3 because she can’t take them… she’s not as mean as I am and thinks that she’s not mean at all.  But she listens… sometimes… asks me to slow down and hit my brakes before I totally explode.  When I get to really explode, ther’s Superfox1.  We are the topnotchers in the meanness scale.  It’s just that she has the courage to speak up for her meanness while I keep them all to myself like a baskstabbing monster.  We could spend hours talking about one person we consider our favorite for the moment.  We would go out for a drink to let it all out and go home feeling better… as if we’ve concocted a plan to end the annoying behavior or”character” of that favorite person.  Superfox2 is the type of mean girl who would outright tell you remarks, which, for her, are not harsh enough to  make the other person feel bad.  She’s not really mean.  We all are not, really. OK, I admit I am. But I’m not! I just can’t tell anybody that I hate him/her.  I couldn’t accept the feeling of being hated din kse…

I’m really just exaggerating… These girls are the best.  I couldn’t imagine going through lawschool without them.  These are the girls I’ve never said anyhting bad about.  I just love them. *wink* (more…)

20 chuvaneses

Going to law school for 2 years now, speaking to law students and lawyer-professors almost everyday changed how I understand, misunderstand and malunderstand things.  I developed abnormal habits, silly notions, expressions, etc.  Here are some things I tend/ usually do…

1.  Take every promise, accepted offer, or sometimes, simple statements as a contract… subject to reformation in proper cases, rescission when not conforming with the rules of equity, or simply void when I am the one prejudiced.

2.  Use the phrase fortuitous events for happenings which could simply be called accidents.

3. Tell my friends to sue their employers everytime I hear that they are treated unfairly (when their overtime hours are not paid, when they had to spend their time in the office while I’m having coffee in Starbucks alone.

4. Use the words accrue, rescind, estopped, default, and laches  in normal, everyday conversations.

5.  Use however, moreover, furthermore, nevertheless, consequently, subsequently, etc. more often than using apparently and obviously. 

6.  Use therefor, thereto, theretofore, heretofore, wherefore more often than therefore.

7. Bear in mind that TENDENCY is not a word I can use in law school!

8.  Invoke the principle of estoppel whenever one takes back what had been said of something. 

9.  Accuse people for committing estafa in its simplest forms.

10.  Misspell and totally forget the spelling of some simple words.

11.  Unconsciously avoid the use of contractions.

12. Make it seem like “uhhmm…” is an English word which could make me seem to be an intellectual know-it-all. Haha.  I seldom use that word. I hate it when I hear it; moreso if it comes from my own oral orifice (?)!

13. Add clauses to my sentences with the use of provided… until provided finally.

14.  Define rape without having to mention the word sex.

15. Develop a very sensitive sense of hearing… for the whispers.

16. Practice lip-reading.

17. Practice sign language in such a way that only the recipient of the message would see me.

18.  Sleep at 4am, wake up at 1pm everyday.

19.  Look for big bags whenever I go to the mall.

20.  Try to forget everything about laws whenever I go out with friends so I won’t bore them with something they are not interested in. (more…)